you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
