Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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