I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
