So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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