He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
