tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
