shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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