The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
