She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
