Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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