The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
