thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
