i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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