Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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