he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
