you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
