We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
