Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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