I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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