I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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