So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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