can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
