is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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