i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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