If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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