Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
