Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
