I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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