She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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