I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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