You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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