Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
