Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
