I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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