im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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