the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
