Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
