So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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