So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
