sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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