for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
