Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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