im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
