And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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