just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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