Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
