Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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