Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
