I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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