hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
